he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
