remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
