I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
