I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
