At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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