oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
