somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize