were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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