my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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