She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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