doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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