Kiss
Puke
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
