I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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