One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize