He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
