At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
