I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
