She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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