He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
