his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
