My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize