Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
