Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
