That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
