Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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