I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
