just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
