The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
please come you make the beer taste better
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
