Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
