I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
