I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As shirtless as possible
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
