But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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