just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
