My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
