can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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