just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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