I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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