i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
