butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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