hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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