I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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