your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think my vagina is haunted
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
