I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
