You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize