He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
