I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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