i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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