you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
