I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
