My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
