Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
