She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize