Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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