Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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