Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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