She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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