I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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