i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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