you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just gargled with NyQuil
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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