well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
