I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
