somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
