dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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