piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
