just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
