Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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