I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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