sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
