its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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