i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
