Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
