Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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