hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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