JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
