That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
