I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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