I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
