I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
