He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
