I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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