"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
