Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
