you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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