What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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