There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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