I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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