I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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