that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
