It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize