between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
