My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize