I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
