What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
