You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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