You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
