took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
